Isn’t life curious? Sometimes like an angel, sometimes like a demon, almost always a cheater! But it’s also majestic. We all know the story don’t we? Life takes us high then drops us down hard, just to take us high again. And so on, and so on. It’s kind of like a roller coaster, isn’t it? But over all, there is something gorgeous about life, and that’s the secret, the unknown and the way it reveals itself in front of us sometimes, and the way it always has the power to surprise us. When we least expect it, we find ourselves in a point where we understand it’s meaning, when we see clearer than ever why things happened the way they did up till then. Life knows. Though we don’t always see the reason, life leads us to where we need to be and makes us what we need to become at the exact right time we need it.
Apparently we are all the same, our lives look so much alike. We all live, love, suffer, struggle. But each and every one of us has a whole secret world inside them. A world that’s so complex, so far away from the eyes of others, a world that only we know and do our best to keep it hidden, in fear of exposing our bare soul for it to be hurt. 
So we go through life gathering so many things along the way, happiness, sadness, pain, joy, scars, some deeper than others, and many times we get tired. But we always go ahead no matter what, at times more strengthened by what we’ve been through and other times more weakened by it. And every once in a while, we meet people, random people we think, who, in one way or another, affect our lives. And though we don’t know it then, we meet them for a reason. Some of them to help us find our way, when we seem to have lost it, some to help us with the burden we carry. Some to hurt us, steal pieces of our hearts, and some to make us fall and keep us down. Many times we trust people only to find out that they actually hurt us even more. So, we get afraid to show the world we have inside to anyone anymore and we choose to walk the road by ourselves.
Even so, we all get to a moment when we feel so broken and we feel we need someone that can see those parts of soul that we kept only to ourselves, someone who can understand us and most of all that can heal all our wounds. But how do we say how we feel? How do we talk about our fears, pains and doubts? How can we anymore? To whom do we talk about it? To whom do we show this hidden world of feelings? We don’t know who to trust with it anymore. 
This is when life shows us it’s greatness and it’s beauty, bringing that someone we need along the road. And when we see them, we know, we feel the warmth that we always looked for, but because we are so afraid that it’s going to be just another deceiving trap we try to run away from them. And we fight them, as we are used to do to keep ourselves safe, even though they don’t attack us and they don’t fight us back. And in this fight that we throw with a non existing enemy, we manage to hurt them. But they don’t mind, because they understand our struggle and they see inside our souls, they see our feelings and they know it’s hard for us to accept them, to trust them.
So, while we keep trying to run from them, they grab our hand, smile at us and comforts us till we calm down and we really open our eyes and really see them. And they patiently stand beside us and wait for the moment that we understand that they are there for us not against us.
This is the moment when we begin to see why we needed all those good and bad things that life gave us. Every moment, every event we lived was meant to get us to find them. It was all meant to make us able to appreciate this “random” person and to understand how much we need them in our lives. So now, after all the struggles, life also gives us a choice. Maybe the biggest till that moment, maybe the biggest ever. It’s the moment when we choose to take a chance and trust them or we choose to let them pass.
We can choose to take the risk and lose, and that may just kill us inside, or we can choose to let them pass. This second choice is always the easiest and the safest. But there is a risk there too. We can end up walking this road all alone, fading away with every step we take. But, there’s also the chance that we choose to take the risk and win. And that’s worth everything. 
So, at the end of my story, I ask you. What would you do? Would you take the chance? I would. If I’d make a mistake with this choice, I’d lose, but if not, then I’d win. Either way, taking the chance it’s the only way i can have the chance to win. So, yes, I would take this chance, I would take that leap of faith and I might just win. All that I can pray for is that the “random” one waiting along the road for me, the one that needs to take this leap of faith with me, will do it too when the time comes, and not choose to let me pass...

Privesc …catre nimic, catre nicaieri! Pur si simplu privesc in neant! Ma gandesc… la viata, la fericire, la sentimente, destin… la atatea lucruri. Incerc sa-mi adun gandurile intr-un singur sir coerent al gandirii. Incerc sa gasesc scopul, sensul si insemnatatea. Cheia. Incerc sa inteleg de ce lucrurile par a fi mai grele pentru unii si mai simple pentru altii. Cred, cel mai probabil, ca are a face cu asteptarile si cu viziunile fiecarui individ. Sau poate nu are nimic a face cu niciuna din cele doua.

Oare faptul ca avem deja formata in capul nostru o imagine despre cum ar trebui sa arate viata noastra si faptul ca tot astptam altceva decat ar trebui de la viata si nu suntem niciodata suficient de satisfacuti? Oare asta este ceea ce ne face nefericiti? Ar trebui oare sa le luam pe toate pe rind, zi cu zi si sa le rezolvam si sa le infruntam asa cum putem si stim noi mai bine? Nu stiu.
Tot ce stiu este ca mergem pe calea asta a vietii care ni se dezvaluie in fata ochilor pe masura ce inaintam, cu fiecare pas pe care il facem, in cautarea a ceva anume, a unei persoane anume, a unui loc anume, fara ca macar sa stim exact ce anume cautam, pe cine ne este sortit sa cunoastem si unde anume ar trebui sa ajungem. Dar in tot timpul asta, fiecare incearca sa gaseasca fericirea pe parcurs. Si stiu ca pentru a o gasi fiecare trebuie sa faca alegeri. Alegerile sunt totul.

Cateodata avem senzatia ca am gasit-o si ne oprim un moment, dar de cele mai multe ori aflam, nu dupa mult timp, ca doar ni s-a parut si ne incepem calatoria din nou si ne continuam cautarea. Alteori ne oprim putin, doar pentru a ne odihni si pentru a ne decide asupra unor alegeri pe care trebuie sa le facem. Tot timpul luam decizii. Pe care drum sa o luam, in ce tren sa ne urcam, in ce statie sa cobaram din acel tren pentru a-l schimba cu un altul si pentru a ne incepe calatoria pe un nou drum, o noua directie. Ce pasageri sa lasam pe locurile de langa noi, cui sa permitem sa ne insoteasca in acesta calatorie, pe cine sa lasam in urman si cand sa ne ridicam din locurile noatre pentru a face asta. Luam aceste decizii si facem aceste alegeri cum putem noi mai bine.
Unele alegeri pe care le facem sunt bune, altele sunt gresite. Sau poate nu sunt gresite. Poate ca este menit ca noi sa facem aceste alegeri intr-un anume fel la un moment dat, doar pentru a putea sa invatam din ele. Poate de fapt ele sunt menite sa fie lectiile de care avem nevoie pentru a creste, pentru a ne maturiza si pentru a putea sa cunoastem mai bine drumul pe care trebuie sa mergem si care trebuie sa fie al nostru. Poate face totul parte dintr-un plan mult mai maret pe care noua nu ne este inca permis sa-l cunoastem. Sau poate este totul lipsit de sens, de rost. Cine stie?
Noi doar facem tot posibilul sa ne continuam calatoria, desi uneori suntem obositi si am vrea sa ne lasam pur si simplu dusi de vant in orice directie ar vrea el sa ne duca. Fara griji, fara probleme, doar sa plutim! De ce ar trebui macar sa ne impotrivim acestuia? Castiga de prea multe ori! Si incep sa cred ca oricum vanturile vietii ii favorizeaza pe cei care nu li se impotrivesc. Si poate nici n-ar trebui sa favorizeze pe cineva. Poate pentru unii dintre noi ele sunt menite sa fie tornade si uragane. Si poate acestia dintre noi nici nu ar trebui sa caute o adiere imbietoare si reconfortanta, ci doar ar trebui sa continue sa se lupte pentru supravietuire. 
Sau poate este totul gresit. Poate asteptam prea mult de la viata, de la oamenii din jurul nostru, de la noi insine. Poate nu viata este de invinuit si poate nici ceilalti. Poate noi suntem de vina. Ne regasim fixandu-ne niste teluri si niste tinte in viata atat pentru noi cat si pentru cei din jurul nostru, doar pentru a fixa altele si mai inalte odata ce acelea sunt atinse. Poate noi suntem propria noastra problema, propriul nostru inamic. Muncim pana la extenuare nu doar pentru a face ceva, ci pentru a-l face foarte bine! Ne ingrijoram de moarte pentru cei pe care ii iubim si trecem prin foc si ne dam chiar si viata, daca este nevoie, ca ei sa fie in siguranta si sa fie fericiti! Mergem pana la capatul lumii in cautarea unei idei, unui ideal, luptam pana la sange pentru a apara ceva in care credem cu adevarat. Ne simtim inimile smulse din piept cand vedem nedreptate si oameni care sufera si nu putem face nimic sa oprim asta. Si toate astea ne consuma. Si la un moment dat ne simtim obositi si simtim ca pur si simplu vrem sa abandonam si ne gandim cat de usor ar devei totul in felul asta. Cred ca odata cu abandonul vine si un sentiment de usurare. Dar stim ca daca am face asta, am trai o viata fara sens! Am renunta la insasi doarinta si bucuria de a trai si, in felul asta, am putea la fel de bine sa fim morti! 
Si continuam! Continuam sa muncim si cu cat muncim mai mult cu atat mai multe lucruri dorim sa infaptuim si cu atat mai greu devine sa reusim asta cateodata! Continuam sa ne ingrijoram pentru cei din juriul nostru, si de multe ori, incepem sa intelegem din pacate, ca cu cat o facem noi mai mult si cu cat ei stiu asta, cu atat le pasa mai putin! Si continuam sa luptam pentru lucrurile in care credem si despre care credem ca merita aparate si cu cat luptam mai mult, cu atat ne gasim singuri de o parte a baricadei, lupatnd pentru idei si idealuri in care nimeni nu mai crede si constatam ca altii deja au abandonat lupta. Si fiecare dintre aceste lucruri ne frange inima si sentimentele si cate putin cate putin ne distruge spiritul.
Si atunci, ce este de facut? Care este alegerea corecta? Oricum ai privi lucrurile, pare ca ajungem sa traim fara a fi cu adevarat “vii”!
Sau poate, intr-adevar, am inteles totul gresit! Poare nu are nimic a face cu viziunile mele despre viata, oameni si lucruri si poate de asta nu pot avea imaginea corecta asupra lor. Poate intr-adevar chiar ar trebui sa asteptam mai putin de la toate si de la toti! Poate chiar ar trebui sa ne facem mai putine griji si ar trebui sa ne bucuram de binecuvantarea de a nu ne pasa asa de mult! Poate asta nu ar fi chiar asa de rau! Poate asta este cheia unei vieti fericite!
Mi-ar placea sa cred ca totusi, nu. Si ca totusi ar trebui sa ne pese tuturor mai mult, ar trebui sa muncim cu totii mai mult si mai constiincios pentru a infaptui lucruri marete, ar trebui sa luptam toti pentru lucrurile, ideile si idealurile in care credem si ar trebui sa le aparam si sa nu le abandonam de-a lungul drumului nostru. Mi-ar placea sa cred ca asta este adevarata cheie a unei existente si a unei vieti fericite. Si nu numai pentru unul, dar pentru toti!
Dar asta este o alegere pe care trebuie fiecare sa o faca pentru el! Alege bine, alege corect! Pana la urma, tu esti cel care va trebui sa traiesti tot restul vietii cu alegerile pe care le-ai facut! Ele sunt cheia ta! O cheie cu care unii dintre noi se nasc si o au dintotdeauna, unii dintre noi o gasesc pe parcurs, unii si-o fauresc singuri, iar altii traiesc o viata intreaga fara a o gasi!

      I'm looking ...at nothing! I'm just staring into thin air! I'm thinking about life, about happiness, feelings, destiny. ...about so many things! I'm trying to collect my thoughts in to a single coherent strain. I'm trying to find the point, the meaning, the key. I'm trying to understand why things seem to be harder for some and easier for others. I think, most likely, it has to do with expectancy and with the views of each individual. Or maybe it has nothing to do with any of the two.

      Is it that we have a picture in our heads of how our lives should look like and we keep expecting something else and that we’re never satisfied, that make us unhappy? Should we take it all a day at a time and just deal with everything the best way we can? I don't know.

      All I know is that we walk this path of life, that's unfolding in front of us with each step we take, in search of something, someone, somewhere and we don't even know exactly what is it that we are looking for, who is it that we're meant to meet and where is it that we are supposed to get to. But, all the while, we all try to find happiness along the way. And I know that in order to find it we always have to make choices. It's all about choices.

      Sometimes, we think that we did and we stop for a moment, but most of the times we soon find out it only seemed that way and we start our journey once again and continue with our search. Other times we only stop to rest for a while and to make choices. We always decide. Which road to walk on ahead, which train to take, in which station to get off that train and change it for a new one and head for a new road, a new direction. What passengers to let in the seats next to us, who to allow to join us, which ones to leave behind and when to stand up from our seats to do it. We make these decisions and these choices the best way we can.

       And some of the choices we make are good and some are wrong. Or, maybe they’re not wrong. Maybe we're meant to make them the way we do, so that we can learn from them. Maybe they are actually meant to be the lessons we need, in order to grow and in order to get to know better the road that’s meant for us. Maybe it's all part of a bigger and greater plan that we are not allowed to, just yet. Or maybe it's all pointless, it's all in vain. Who knows?

       We're only trying our best to continue our own journeys, although sometimes we're tired and we’d just like to let the wind of life take us wherever it may please. No worries, no cares, just float! Why would we even try to fight it? It wins too many times! And I'm starting to believe that the winds only favor those who don't fight it! And maybe the winds of life are not supposed to favor everyone. Maybe for some of us they are meant to be tornadoes and hurricanes. And maybe those of us are not supposed to look for some refreshing breeze in life, but just need to keep fighting to stay alive in front of it.

        Or maybe I got it all wrong! Maybe, we expect too much from life, from the people in our lives, from ourselves. Maybe life is not to blame and they are not to blame. Maybe we are! We find our self setting goals in life for us and others around us, only to set some higher ones, once those are reached. Maybe we are our own problem, our own enemy. We always work ourselves to exhaustion to get something done right, not just done! We worry ourselves to death about those we love, and walk through fire and even offer our lives if needed, if that's what it takes so they can be safe and happy! We walk to the end of the world in the pursuit of an idea and an ideal and we fight everyone to the bone to defend something we really believe in. We feel our hearts being reaped out whenever we see injustice and people being hurt and when we can't do anything to stop it. And that's consuming! And at some point we feel we just want to quit and we think how easy that will make everything! I think with quitting comes also a sense of release! But we know that if we do, we'll live a senseless life! We would give up the actual will to live and we could just as well be dead!

         So, we go on! And we keep working. And the more we work, the more things we want to get done and the harder it gets to do it sometimes. And we keep worrying about the people around us, and many times, we begin to understand that, unfortunately, the more we do and the more they know that, the less they do and the less they care! And we keep fighting for the things we believe are worth defending, and the more we fight, the more we find ourselves being alone on one side of the line, fighting for ideas and ideals that no one else believes in any more and we find out the others have already quit the fight. And each and every single one of these things breaks our hearts and our feelings and slowly kills our spirits.

         So, then! What is there to do? Which is the right choice? Any way you look at it, seems like we end up living without being alive!

        Or maybe, indeed, I got it all wrong again! Maybe it has everything to do with my own views on life and people and things and maybe that's why I can't see things right. Maybe we really should just expect less from everything and everyone! Maybe we should just worry less and just enjoy the bliss of not caring! Maybe that’s not so bad! Maybe that's the key to a happy life!

        I'd like to believe that actually it’s not that and that actually we should all care more about each other, that we should all work harder to get things right, that we should all fight more for the things and ideas and ideals that are worth defending and not abandon them along the way. I'd like to believe that is the true key to a happy life, and not only that, but that is also the key to a happy life not just for one but for the many.

        But that is a choice you all have to make for yourselves. Make it right! In the end you'll be the ones that have to live with it! It’s your key! A key, that some of us are born with, some find it along the way, some forge it for themselves and some live a lifetime without finding it.  

This feeling… This constant ache in my stomach! The feeling of being powerless in front of my own life! …of being lonely in the middle of a crowd full of people close to me! It’s overwhelming! Why am I sad and not happy? I live, breathe, I’m surrounded by relatives, friends and acquaintances, people that know me and love me! …or do they? Do they really know me? Do they love me? Or is that just something they no longer know what it means? 
Why the feeling of a black whole inside me, that’s draining the life out of me? ... I think is fatigue. And some sense of loss. I’m tired! I’m tired of pretending, of accepting, of tolerating! Feels like everything lost it’s sense, it’s meaning! We are all like sheep, and too many of us like wolfs! 
So, I’m stepping outside my life to take a look at it! …I’m surrounded with the kind of things and people that I always tried to run away from, and the faster I run, and the longer I thought the distance was in between, the closer it all seems to be. I’m tired! …of hoping in vain that people around me, people that I like, people that I love, will cease to disappoint me, will, at some point, change into better persons, or will at least try! I’m tired to believe that every person that comes into my life will prove to be different, will prove to be honest, and will not let me down once again, and not turn out to be just another disappointment… 
I see myself giving away all my trust, hoping ridiculously and so stubbornly that people can be good and beautiful! But all I see around me is people with masks! People who forgot what their own faces look like! Fearing to reveal their faces even to themselves! I see people, desperate for money, for luxury, for shiny things, for glory, for fame at all cost! Prides and egos the size of skyscrapers! A constant battle for supremacy over both body and spirit! People always craving for what the other one is having, always resenting him for having it, even trying the best they can to keep him from having it! I see people that think they are entitled to have an opinion or a say about the lives of others. I see people thinking they can be both judge and jury when it comes to how someone should have lived or should live his life. People, spreading hate and ugliness all around them! 
Then, when I look closely, in some dark corners I see a few people hiding! People who seem to be beautiful, but also wearing masks! And I’m wondering! Why is there that they’re ashamed with their beauty? Why are they afraid to show their faces, to admit that they care, to show their kindness? Maybe because they've been hurt one too many times or they've been run all over by the other masks…
...and then, I see myself! Without a mask! And everyone looking at me with doubt and with, what seems to me, a sort of fear! They don’t know what to make of me. A real face! It’s something they can’t recognize. So, they pretend. They pretend to understand it, to accept it. But they don’t! They fear it! I see them smiling at me and then, I see how, every time I turn my back, they rip my heart out, a piece at a time and a piece per person!
I look and I don’t understand! I’m missing something! Where do all this hate and all this frustrations come from? I don’t understand this people and their world! I can’t accept it! I don’t want to! This world I live in is not a world of my choosing! It’s yours. All yours, masks!
Now, I’m getting back to my life. My journey and what I've seen around me saddened me, but at least I know! I know something that all of you don’t! I know beauty, I know love, I know sorrow, sadness, happiness! I’m alive! You’re not! You’re only pretending to be! Your masks live the lives you should be living! And you try to convince yourselves that that is the real thing. It’s not! It’s a fake! 
…I dare you! Take a journey outside your life and take a look at it! Stop lying, stop hiding, stop pretending! Admit it! Accept it all! Your feelings, your kindness, your weaknesses, your faults, your beauty! Be yourself, not a mask! What is there to lose? Your pride? Your ego? Maybe! But, then again, maybe not!