IT’S ALL ABOUT CHOICES

      I'm looking ...at nothing! I'm just staring into thin air! I'm thinking about life, about happiness, feelings, destiny. ...about so many things! I'm trying to collect my thoughts in to a single coherent strain. I'm trying to find the point, the meaning, the key. I'm trying to understand why things seem to be harder for some and easier for others. I think, most likely, it has to do with expectancy and with the views of each individual. Or maybe it has nothing to do with any of the two.

      Is it that we have a picture in our heads of how our lives should look like and we keep expecting something else and that we’re never satisfied, that make us unhappy? Should we take it all a day at a time and just deal with everything the best way we can? I don't know.

      All I know is that we walk this path of life, that's unfolding in front of us with each step we take, in search of something, someone, somewhere and we don't even know exactly what is it that we are looking for, who is it that we're meant to meet and where is it that we are supposed to get to. But, all the while, we all try to find happiness along the way. And I know that in order to find it we always have to make choices. It's all about choices.

      Sometimes, we think that we did and we stop for a moment, but most of the times we soon find out it only seemed that way and we start our journey once again and continue with our search. Other times we only stop to rest for a while and to make choices. We always decide. Which road to walk on ahead, which train to take, in which station to get off that train and change it for a new one and head for a new road, a new direction. What passengers to let in the seats next to us, who to allow to join us, which ones to leave behind and when to stand up from our seats to do it. We make these decisions and these choices the best way we can.

       And some of the choices we make are good and some are wrong. Or, maybe they’re not wrong. Maybe we're meant to make them the way we do, so that we can learn from them. Maybe they are actually meant to be the lessons we need, in order to grow and in order to get to know better the road that’s meant for us. Maybe it's all part of a bigger and greater plan that we are not allowed to, just yet. Or maybe it's all pointless, it's all in vain. Who knows?

       We're only trying our best to continue our own journeys, although sometimes we're tired and we’d just like to let the wind of life take us wherever it may please. No worries, no cares, just float! Why would we even try to fight it? It wins too many times! And I'm starting to believe that the winds only favor those who don't fight it! And maybe the winds of life are not supposed to favor everyone. Maybe for some of us they are meant to be tornadoes and hurricanes. And maybe those of us are not supposed to look for some refreshing breeze in life, but just need to keep fighting to stay alive in front of it.

        Or maybe I got it all wrong! Maybe, we expect too much from life, from the people in our lives, from ourselves. Maybe life is not to blame and they are not to blame. Maybe we are! We find our self setting goals in life for us and others around us, only to set some higher ones, once those are reached. Maybe we are our own problem, our own enemy. We always work ourselves to exhaustion to get something done right, not just done! We worry ourselves to death about those we love, and walk through fire and even offer our lives if needed, if that's what it takes so they can be safe and happy! We walk to the end of the world in the pursuit of an idea and an ideal and we fight everyone to the bone to defend something we really believe in. We feel our hearts being reaped out whenever we see injustice and people being hurt and when we can't do anything to stop it. And that's consuming! And at some point we feel we just want to quit and we think how easy that will make everything! I think with quitting comes also a sense of release! But we know that if we do, we'll live a senseless life! We would give up the actual will to live and we could just as well be dead!

         So, we go on! And we keep working. And the more we work, the more things we want to get done and the harder it gets to do it sometimes. And we keep worrying about the people around us, and many times, we begin to understand that, unfortunately, the more we do and the more they know that, the less they do and the less they care! And we keep fighting for the things we believe are worth defending, and the more we fight, the more we find ourselves being alone on one side of the line, fighting for ideas and ideals that no one else believes in any more and we find out the others have already quit the fight. And each and every single one of these things breaks our hearts and our feelings and slowly kills our spirits.

         So, then! What is there to do? Which is the right choice? Any way you look at it, seems like we end up living without being alive!

        Or maybe, indeed, I got it all wrong again! Maybe it has everything to do with my own views on life and people and things and maybe that's why I can't see things right. Maybe we really should just expect less from everything and everyone! Maybe we should just worry less and just enjoy the bliss of not caring! Maybe that’s not so bad! Maybe that's the key to a happy life!

        I'd like to believe that actually it’s not that and that actually we should all care more about each other, that we should all work harder to get things right, that we should all fight more for the things and ideas and ideals that are worth defending and not abandon them along the way. I'd like to believe that is the true key to a happy life, and not only that, but that is also the key to a happy life not just for one but for the many.

        But that is a choice you all have to make for yourselves. Make it right! In the end you'll be the ones that have to live with it! It’s your key! A key, that some of us are born with, some find it along the way, some forge it for themselves and some live a lifetime without finding it.